it's one of those days

i woke up this morning in complete optimism – (well, in as much optimism as one can muster at 5:45 in the morning) – thinking, ‘today is going to be different’. you see yesterday i stayed home sick, mostly due to stress i think – a million things goin’ on in my brain lately – and even though i managed to clean the entire apartment and wash every bit of laundry i could find to try and de-stress by NOT thinking, still that nagging feeling that ‘something isn’t quite right’ just wouldn’t go away. maybe it was my approach – laundry isn’t exactly my usual mode of relaxation -- but somehow i thought if the apartment was immaculate, everything else in my brain would feel less messy. apparently, not so. imagine that.
anyhow, back to today. i woke up ready to take on the day – attitude is 90% of the resolution apparently – but it didn’t take long to slip back into yesterday’s slump. time sped up and caused me to be late, and all of a sudden i’m running out the door only to get all the way across the parking lot and realize that i forgot my id badge for work – not so serious in and of itself, but it’s also my bus pass and i wasn’t in the mood to explain YET AGAIN to the bus driver that i ‘left my pass at home’ and get that look that makes me feel like i’m cheap for trying to get out of a two dollar fare– and waiting outside work for someone to let me in is never that glamorous either – anyhow, i digress – So, i RUN back to the apartment in my definitely-not-for-running pumps, grab my pass and run back to my car. i get to the bus stop on time, out of breath, with my purse falling open, and probably looking like i missed a few steps in the ‘getting ready’ portion of my morning. finding a seat on the bus is an adventure in and of itself – avoid the guy who tells the same stories EVERYDAY – check – avoid the ipod-blaring chick who has horrible taste in music – check – avoid anyone who wants to carry on small talk at 6:50am in general– check. despite my plan of attack, i missed a vital element in any morning commute seat plan – avoid sitting in front of (or beside) anyone who doesn’t brush their teeth – unfortunately, NOT check. at least pop a tic-tac – jeesh.
there was a moment of light when i finished the book that i’m reading – “me against my brother” – i love the satisfaction of getting to those final words letting all that you just read sink in – if it doesn’t challenge how you think, what’s the point? anyhow . . . i get to work with high hopes of somehow magically feeling different when i walk through the doors, still feeding off the high of finishing a good book, but it doesn’t take long for the mundane to begin and for my mind to drift back to a million scattered thoughts. and now i’m back where I started yesterday. i should’ve stayed wrapped up in that blanket . . . maybe try messing up the entire apartment so that my brain doesn’t appear so bad in comparison. i dunno. i’m lacking creative outlets in my life right now and i’m feeling the effects. maybe i just need a little alone time with my acrylics and everything will fall into place – or maybe i’ll end up cutting my ear off. either way, i need to mix life up a little (or maybe a lot).